$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
