my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
