Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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