did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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