1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
