I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
