waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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