i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize