SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
