ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize