Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
