dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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