she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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