dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Randomize
