He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
