No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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