I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
