youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize