I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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