What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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