So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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