Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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