Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
