apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
