I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you didnt know i had herpes?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
