I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Randomize
