I wish I could teleport
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
