does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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