My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
