Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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