I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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