How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
