im about as happy as oj after his trial
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
