haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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