The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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