its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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