Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Well I just put wine in my tea
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
