Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You have to summon your inner elephant
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize