So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
