The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
