i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
where are you?
Hypothermia
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
