about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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