??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
