oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You can't special order awesome
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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