What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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