Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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