Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
