I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
