I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
