Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
