I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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