Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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