you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
