I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
