I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
