you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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