I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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