i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Randomize
