At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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