i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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