community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
