The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
