her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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