So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
