im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
