you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
