I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
