hotel room ftw
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
