We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
