real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
