i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
