Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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