omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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