Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
