I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize