We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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