I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
