This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
