He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
