I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
God I need to hump something, right now.
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