your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
