Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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