I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
