I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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