Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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